Memories from a Lost Time
by Mrs.Scarlettbutler
Summary: Post The Field Where I died. In Mulder's version of past lives he and Scully are always friends - is it the truth?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The X-Files, Scully and Mulder belong to Chris Carter.

Post The Field Where I Died : in Mulder's version of past lives he and Scully are always friends - is it the truth?

I write crazy stories when there is too many changes in my life and too many things to deal with, but at least I got tickets to a Doll's House with Gillian Anderson, so later this month I'll fly to London  

Please note that some of this story takes place in another time where people became adults sooner than today, the activities between the main characters don't necessarily reflect my morals on the issue. No really adult scenes in this story.

Memories from a Lost Time

Chapter one

"Mulder, I know you don't wanna hear this, but I don't believe in past lives!" Turning her head she met his annoyed eyes, keeping eye contact until he removed his eyes to the road ahead of him, she squeezed her lips slightly together in equal annoyance.

"But then how do you explain it, Scully? You were there! You listened to both of our regression hypnosis sessions. I have lived several lives before this life."

Exhaling deeply, she turned her head again to face him, "Mulder, the poor woman suffered from Multiple Personality Disorder! Hardly, what you call a reliable witness. She played you. Somehow she had access to these information, I admit the oddness in her knowing about Sullivan Biddle and Sarah Kavanaugh. But she was very sick and unsatisfied with her present life, she saw how willing you were to believe her and possible care for her. She hoped you would rescue her from her husband."

She was tired, the case had pulled at her heart, she always hated cases involving crimes against children, and in this case children had truly suffered, and they had all lost at least one parent. It was always the issue with religious cults. The children ultimately paid the highest price, but, fortunately, they had been able to rescue the children from dying. For unknown reasons Vernon Ephesian had spared their lives, most likely because he had forgotten all about them in his haste of mass suicide.

Mulder's encounter with his soul mate hadn't helped; in his usual enthusiasm for everything with a slight touch of the paranormal, he had made a connection to Melissa, more than ready to believe, she was his soul mate. Unable to look past his own emotions, he had obviously forgotten or dismissed Scully's emotions, expecting her to come along for the ride, and she had. But it was taking more from her than she had to give. Only for so long could she put her own feelings aside to support Mulder and now was the time to face the music.

"But Scully, if you don't believe in past lives, how do you then explain the reason why we are here. What is the purpose of life?"

Closing her eyes, she took a few seconds to think. Honestly, at this moment, she didn't care, too tired and hurt to care a shit. Nope, she wasn't up for discussing the greater purpose of life.

"I think we are here to learn. I don't think a past life can dictate us how to live this life, I like to think we have free wills and that we can control our own lives."

Slowing the car down, Mulder drove into the parking lot in front of Apison Inn, and after parking the car he turned to her. "I think you're right about the free will, Scully. But what if we make special arrangements with important persons before we're reborn? Perhaps arrangements made before we die?"

Pulling herself back together, Scully opened her eyes and used some of her last strength to open the car door, stepping out of the car, she enjoyed the gentle breeze playing with her hair. "Then what, Mulder?"

"It would mean we're destined to meet certain people in our lives, it would mean, it's not random who our parents are or who our romantic partners are. It will explain why we feel connected to some people right away and why we dislike others right away. Look at the possibilities, Scully."

"Right now, all I want to look at is my bed, Mulder!" Hoping to close this discussion, Scully unlocked the door to her room, and turning to face Mulder once more, she was nose to his shirt covered chest. Backing away she looked up, "goodnight, Mulder."

Confused, he stared at her, "but…"

"Try to get some sleep." She offered before closing the door behind her, but while sliding out of her suit jacket and kicking her shoes off, the distant fidgeting sounds of Mulder outside her door caught her ears. Deciding to ignore him, she walked into the bathroom and opened for the hot water in the tub, finally, she felt her muscles relaxing under her skin.

Gliding into the hot water Scully mentally thanked whoever built this motel, the rooms might be small and sparely furniture, she could live with, but someone must have loved hot baths and understood the necessity of a long, soothing bath, because the tub was long enough for her to lay in and be fully covered with water, but not long enough for her to fear getting her head under water, if she against better judgement should fall asleep.

It was heaven! For the first time in 24 hours she was alone with her thoughts, closing her eyes, she intended to block everything out for at least half an hour. It wasn't easy, the hurt sneaked in on her every time she got cosy, like a little worm it dig into her heart dragging a trail of betrayal behind it. The deep sense of betrayal confused her Mulder hadn't done anything to betray her, when in fact he had been the one insisting she stayed beside him during the interviews with Melissa. Normally, they would split up and interview the wives alone to make most of the time. Some degree of hurt was explainable, when your lover found his long lost soul mate and exchanged memories with that person. Had she feared Mulder would leave her for Melissa? No, it wasn't the matter.

Sinking deeper into the tub she felt her eyelids grow heavier, taking a deep breath she wished her mind would slow down.

It was summer and the sun baked down on their lazy bodies lying in the high grass, hiding in their own private world they shared another long kiss. Startled, they broke apart by the sound of dry branches being cracked under feet, somebody was coming, and in grim shock they watched each other. The punishment for being caught would be severe, the love they shared was forbidden and her father would act harsh and without mercy if he ever found out, the family's honour more important than his only daughter's happiness. Relieve washed over them when a coyote came into view, he was the intruder of their privacy. Laughing at their dumb mistake, Running Wild covered her face with wet, hot kisses.

"I love you Singing Bluebird, I'll talk to your father tomorrow. He can't keep us apart any longer."

"I would be honoured to share your tepee and blanket Running Wild" She loved him as wild and passionate as a 15 winter old girl could love a boy, and knowing they belonged together she believed him. They would be bound together before the summer was over.

Running Wild was Mulder and she was Singing Bluebird!

Only the urgency and rushing of their love making betrayed their words, both feared to be caught, feared to be torn apart and given to others. Only in their most intimate moments were they at peace, only in those minutes did they feel at home. For two months they had secretly met in the words, first sharing shy kisses and awkward hugs but with the warmer rays of the sun, their shyness disappeared, and growing bolder, they learned each curves of the other's body, and discovered how smoothly they fit together. Inflamed with love and passion Singing Bluebird gave her body to Running Wild. Knowing how big a gift it was he took her gently and gave his heart in return, it would be her downfall if some one learned about their secret. A girl had no value if she was damaged and he had damaged her in the eyes of the tribe.

When the sun sank to the horizon Singing Bluebird jumped to her feet, dressing in her light summer dress and rearranging her hair, she kissed him lazily one more time.

"Will I see you here tomorrow, Running Wild?" She already missed him and his caressing hands.

"Of course you will. I'll talk to your father before I come here. Everything will be ok, Singing Bluebird."

Licking her lips, she avoided his eyes, "I hope so, I don't know what I will do if my father refuses you."

"He wont, I'm sure of it."

Without another word she walked away from him, praying Running Wild would find a way she softly touched her belly.

When she reached her father's tepee, her mother waved her over with a restless hand and an excited smile. "Singing Bluebird, hurry your father has great news." Before she could ask what it all was about she was being pushed into the tepee.

Her father narrowed his eyes and studied her roughly, feeling how her heart started to pond in fear, she forced herself to stay calm and meet his eyes in question.

"Sit down, daughter." Impatiently, he waited for her to sit down in front of him. "Walking Proud came by to see me today and he was greatly disappointed when you weren't here."

He paused to give her time to explain why she hadn't been home when his guest came, but with a sinking feeling in her heart, she couldn't form a coherent sentence, she already knew why Walking Proud had come to see her father. He had visited his cousin in their village four times already this summer and every time been ogling her, and by offering her help with her daily chores he had tried to court her. She had declined and stayed out of his sight whenever she could. Running Wild was the man in her heart.

"Walking Proud has asked for my blessing and I've given it to him. He is a wealthy man and will take good care of you. He has offered me ten horses for this marriage. He's a good hunter and a proud man, you have done well, daughter."

Silent tears dropped from her eyes and landed on her cheeks, her lips began to tremble in sadness and anger, and biting her bottom lip she met her father's eyes for the first time. "Don't do this to me, father. I love some one else." She choked.

"Do this to you? You should be proud, ten horses! It's unheard of, four horses was the best I had hoped for. Your beauty has done you well. I'm proud of you and your mother is proud of you."

"I don't like Walking Proud, he's cold and too damn full of himself. I love some one else, father!" This timer her voice was firm.

"Love? Who do you think you love, Singing Bluebird?" Narrowing his eyes, he studied her closely, his daughter was a beauty with a matching temper but rarely did she disobey her parents, it must be a foolish crush.

"I love Running Wild and I want to marry him!"

"Don't be silly, Running Wild is only sixteen and he's not as good a hunter as Walking Proud. Running Wild is always hunting wild ideas instead of preys, he is not ready to support you and give you what you deserve."

"I don't want the status Walking Proud can give me, I just want a husband I love and who loves me in return. Running Wild is a good man."

Her father was getting angry now, "Running Wild can offer what? Two horses for your hand? It will be a disgrace for your family to accept that. He won't be able to support you and your children with all his crazy ideas he needs to grow up before taking a wife. And that wife won't be you, daughter."

A new flood of tears steamed down her face, "don't you care about my happiness?"

"I do and that's why I've given you away to Walking Proud."

"You can't force me." She cried, knowing perfectly well he could.

"I can and I'll. Before the end of this week you'll accept Walking Proud's offer and move to his tepee."

"But he lives half a day's walk from here." She was devastated, the week ended in three days.

"It will be good for you and Walking Proud has promised you can visit your mom every week. To be certain you will follow my orders, I'll arrange that your cousin Coyote will share Running Wild's blanket in his father's tepee. Do you understand me?"

With a breaking heart, she tried a last time. "But you said he was too young to marry?"

"Coyote is twenty and still unmarried, she is a hard worker and just what Running Wild needs. It will be a good match."

Walking Proud was Daniel and Coyote was Melissa!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I'm loaning the handsome agent Mulder and the beautiful agent Scully from Mr. Carter, thanks.

Memories from a Lost Time

Chapter two

Within three days, she was married to Walking Proud and Running Wild was married to Coyote, there had been nothing to do to avoid it, her father was a respected elderly in the village and Running Wild's father just a hunter.

She had met with Running Wild the day after her future had been settled, sneaking out in the earliness of the dawn with her brother's pipe she had gone to their special place to pray. She had the rights to pray with her brother's pipe because he wasn't married yet. When crying with the loaded pipe in her hands Running Wild had found her, holding her in his arms, he had cried with her.

Fiercely, Running Wild had kissed her and she had responded as fiercely, he had claimed her as his wife with his burning desire and she had whispered yes over and over again. When their bodies had become boneless from making love, she had picked up the pipe again, and together they had prayed for a way to be together, in this life and the lives to come. They had committed their love to the pipe, always wanting to be together.

"Singing Bluebird, I'll come for you when the moon lights up the night and the fires have died out this night. Will you be ready?"

Locking eyes with him, she softly said, "I'll be ready. I love you." She was ready, ready to face a hard life with him, the man she loved. It wouldn't be easy, they would have to find another village that would accept them, they would be poor and had to work for everything but they would have each other. Choosing the path less travel was never easy, but maybe with time her father would forgive her and they could come back.

On her way home Singing Bluebird met her brother, he came looking for her and his pipe. Looking at the smoked pipe in her hands, he quietly asked; "what have you done, sister?"

Proudly, meeting his eyes she had told him the truth, "Running Wild and I committed our love to the pipe."

Inhaling sharply, he studied her for a while. "How did you do it, sister?"

Calmly, she explained. "We committed to be man and wife in this life and that we always will want to be together, always keeping our love alive."

Troubled, he asked, "sister, did you used the word wanting? Or did you say always be together?"

"Wanting, brother. Why?"

"I was afraid of your answer, sister. It will not be easy for the two of you. Your commitment will give you many hard times before you'll be together as wife and husband. I've compassion for you, sister. I'll pray hard. Come, we will tell father we have prayed together. You will be safe for now."

Late that night, she had rested under her blanket fully clothed, waiting for Running Wild to come for her. She hadn't thought much about her brother's words, just believing he meant they would have a troubled life together, and she already knew that. A hard but wonderful life together. Her father was still visiting a friend's tepee with two of her older brothers and maybe it was for the best, she would rearrange her blanket so it looked like she was sleeping underneath it.

Turmoil outside the tepee disturbed the silence of the night and harsh words too hushed to be understood filled the air. The blood ran from her face when she recognized two of the voices, her father's and Running Wild's. With cold hands, she untangled from her blanket and crawled to the door, but her way was being blocked by her oldest brother. He held her tightly and refused to let her go, for the longest time he rambled about the family's honour and respecting her parents. When her brain bolted back to working her mouth opened in a heartbreaking scream, before her lover's name could leave her mouth it was covered with a big hand. It was over.

Her oldest brother was the cancer man!

The next day, she understood that it was completely over, Coyote had moved into Running Wild's tepee before the sun was up and her wedding started right after sunup. Her father refused to listen when she tried to tell him about the pipe. Within four hours she was leaving her life and Running Wild behind her.

She never knew if Walking Proud ever realised he had married an expecting mother, he hadn't said anything on their first night together, perhaps her crying and groans of pain had convinced him that she was a virgin. He wasn't a bad man, Walking Proud, but his gentle hands would always be rough compared to the gentleness of Running Wild's hands, and his need to share her body would always be unwelcome. Fortunately, her pregnancy ended his desire for her body and she didn't need to come up with more excuses. The birth of her twin sons was difficult and something broke inside of her, she wouldn't be able to carry more children. Walking Proud married a second wife to share his blanket. At last, Singing Bluebird was free and could visit her mother as often as she pleased.

It was bittersweet to visit her mother with her two sons, Running Fast and Horse Rider, each visit drained her emotionally but she kept coming back, until she slept more in her father's tepee than in her husband's. Coyote gave Running Wild three daughters, and each birth tore Singing Bluebird's heart apart and made it more and more difficult to tell her secret to Running Wild. How could she tell him, that he already had two sons, when he obviously enjoyed sharing his blanket with his wife?

Maybe he guessed it, neither of her sons resembled her husband, or maybe he remembered his commitment, either way the frequent pregnancies of Coyote stopped when Singing Bluebird settled into her father's tepee and only sporadically left to visit her husband.

Shaking from cold Scully awoke abruptly in the bath. Confused, she bolted up into a sitting position, her heart beating with anger and betrayal. The dream had been vivid and it was still crystal-clear in her mind, and if she didn't know better, she would have denied ever falling asleep. The ringing of her cell phone disturbed any further lingering on the dream, throwing a towel around her body, she rushed into the room trying to locate her phone in the running. It was on the bed, picking it up she answered immediately without checking the number.

"Scully" She breathed heavy into the phone.

"Scully, are you ok?" Mulder sounded concerned.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, you sound like you've been running and I've been banging on your door for five minutes. I was beginning to worry."

Sighing, she delayed her answer.

"Scully?" He wasn't fooled.

"Yeah, Mulder, I just fell asleep in the bath. It's not a big deal, it happens all the time."

"It does?"

"Do you know how many people drown in their bathtubs each year?" She asked in her doctor voice.

"Yeah, well, but you are not other people. Can I come in or do you prefer talking through your door or over cell phones."

"Yeah, why not?" Stalking to the door, she unlocked and opened the door so he could get in. "Mulder, what's matter?" Trembling from cold she closed the door behind him, the towel offered no protection against the cold water or the mildly cool room.

"Scully, are you ok?"

"Mulder, I'm fine, just a little cold." To stress her words she trembled again, wondering how long she had been asleep, her eyes searched for the clock on the bed table. God, she had been bathing for an hour, no wonder she was cold.

"You know there are ways to get you warm, Scully. I'm offering my humble services to you."

Meeting his eyes she saw the mischief, "oh, I'm sure you do, Mulder, and I'm positive it will cost you great pains to help me!" Her mouth twisted in a smile that enlightened her eyes.

Moving closer Mulder loosened the small towel barely covering her most intimate parts. "A man gotta do what a man gotta do to keep his woman sound and safe." Placing his hand at the small of her back he pushed her towards the bed, and with his other hand he uncovered the bed and helped her in. After tucking her in, he started to remove his t-shirt and jeans.

Fascinated, she watched him stripping out of his cloth, her pulse already increasing. "Your woman, huh?"

Locking eyes with her, he calmly stood in the glory of his nudity, "yeah, my woman. That means you, Scully, don't tell me you didn't know?"

Licking her lips, she pondered the question. "We never really discussed it, Mulder. Friends were the word we used."

A puzzled look crossed his face, "friends?" Pausing, he stepped closer to the bed and stared into her eyes with an odd intensity, "how many friends do you share your bed with, Scully?"

She saw the same insecurity, she felt during the regression hypnosis session flicker in his eyes. "Only one" she answered and lifted the bedcover for him to get in.

"One?" He slid into the bed, facing her.

None of them had touched the other yet, both feeling like they were walking on thin ice.

Frustrated, she exhaled through her nose, "Mulder, it's you."

"Oh, I'm the friend." He snorted.

Closing her eyes, she shook her head. "Mulder, this afternoon you had no problem with the term friends, what changed?"

"Obvious we're more than friends, don't you think? I mean friends don't sleep together, it's not like I even have been tempted by the very idea of exploring the bed sheets with Langly, Frohike or Byers. I can only guess if you've ever played with any fantasies of getting involved with any of them?"

Still shivering, she raised her eyebrow. "I'm sure glad I don't have to compete with the guys. No, so far my sexual fantasies haven't turned into nightmares."

The answer cracked a smile on his face, "Come here, you're still cold."

Willingly, she moved into his arms and resting her head against his chest, she breathed his scent in, realising he had showered recently and sprayed her favourite eau de toilette on. Breathing in again, she closed her eyes and rested deeper into his body.

"Mulder, are we just friends?" It was impossible to shake the strong sense of loss off that had surprised her when Melissa had revealed her connection to Mulder. It was the same sense of loss and betrayal from her dream.

Running his fingers up and down her arm, he whispered into her hair. "No, we're so much more, partners in every terms. Do you see us as only friends?"

"No, it's just that we never talked about our relationship and today you easily accepted that Melissa was your soul mate and we would always just be friends. I don't know, Mulder."

"Yeah, I been wondering about that part too, Scully. What changed, why are we opposite sexes this time and why lovers? I've booked an appointment for another regression hypnosis session tomorrow."

"What? Our flight leaves at 9 in the morning, Mulder!"

"Yeah, I rescheduled our reservations. It won't matter, it's Saturday. Our flight leaves at 3 p.m."

God, it was so much like Mulder just to arrange their lives as he saw fit, never one to stop and ask her how she felt first. For a moment, she felt irritated and disappointed she had looked forward to a weekend at home, for once. Her annoyance faded when she remembered her dream, it was still so vivid and emotional, maybe, Mulder's idea wasn't so bad, after all.

"Are you mad?" He pushed her hair away from her eyes.

"No. Mulder, but I had the strangest dream in the tub, I don't know what to think."

His warm lips brushed her forehead. "Um, you smell nice. What dream, Scully?"

"I'll tell you about it tomorrow." Lifting her head she caught his lips with her own, and suddenly her body was warm and tingling with desire. Closing her eyes, she found it impossible to reopen them her eyelids had become unbelievable heavy and her body

wouldn't respond. Sighing, she whispered, "Mulder, I'm so tired."

"OK" He whispered back before both gave in to Morpheus' claim. They had been on their feet for the past 24 hours and through an emotional ordeal, it was only logical they were tired and needed sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: They are still on loan, I claim no ownership over the lovely agents.

I don't know if this is a good explanation but it's what came into my mind like a thief in the night.

Memories from a Lost Time

Chapter 3

The beeping of the alarm clock raised to a maddening high pinched noise, agitated, Scully turned to the insisting sound, four hours had passed since she closed her eyes, wasn't she a lucky girl? Irritated, she snoozed the alarm, it was Saturday and all she wanted was to sleep in, it was what she always wanted on weekends but only succeed in three or four times a year. Before meeting Mulder sleeping in had been a normality in a peaceful, normal live.

Mulder's lips found the soft spot just below her ear and formed a warm round O, he was spooned protectively around her body like a warm blanket, a sleeping position they both liked and one which actually enabled Mulder to sleep.

"Don't be pissed, Scully. Tomorrow I'll let you sleep as long as you like, I promise. How does that sound?"

"Too perfect to be true, I know you, Mulder. You may have the best of intentions until someone claims his chicken speaks three languages, fluently. But tomorrow you'll be on your own, I've plans."

"Plans? What do you mean with plans, Scully? Plans like in going to a dinner?"

"Yes, Mulder. Plans like in going to a dinner!" A small smile played on her lips, as she turned to face him, and tenderly kissed the corner of his mouth. "Bill and Tara are visiting mom."

"Oh, an evening full of fun and positive energies."

Snuggling closer Scully smiled, "Bill is just worried about me and he thinks he knows best, he always has, you know. Let's get up and let the fun begins, Mulder."

"I've my magic stick right here in bed with me, I'll be more than happy to show you a fun trick or two, Scully?"

"Get up, Mulder. This was your brilliant idea not mine!"

An hour later, Mulder and Scully knocked on the front door of one Carina Eagletail. Leaning back on her feet, Scully crossed her arms over her chest, her mind already calculating her chances for a fast leaving. But knowing Mulder, she expected to be stuck here for a long time.

The door was answered by a blond woman in her forties, "Fox Mulder?"

"Yes and this is Dana Scully."

Stepping away from the door Carina Eagletail opened the door wide ajar, "come in."

Scully watched the woman closely, she was wearing a long shirt and a blouse in blue colours and her blond, curly hair was arranged in a loose ponytail. With her light brown eyes she seemed slightly foreign.

Carina Eagletail pointed to the couch, "please sit down. Mr. Mulder you asked for a regression session?"

"Yeah, I would like to clarify a past relation to someone in my present life."

The woman studied Mulder briefly, before her eyes turned to Scully, where they lingered for a longer time. After a few silent moments, Carina Eagletail's eyes drifted to a picture on the wall, following the path Scully's eyes landed on a picture of a native woman, dressed in white buffalo skin and somehow slightly melted together with a white buffalo, in her hands the woman held a pipe. Suddenly, Scully's dream was as vivid as the day before, rapidly Scully's eyes shifted to the woman before her.

"The Buffalo Calve Woman is important to my people, Ms. Scully, she gave the pipe to the people and taught us how to use it."

"Your people? I don't understand?" Scully's focus shifted between the woman on the picture and the woman in the chair before her.

With a mild smile, Carina Eagletail explained. "I'm a quarter Blackfoot. My father is Blackfoot and my mother English, as you can see the English is dominant in my features. My father wanted a life outside the reservation and succeeded. He never looked back. But luckily for me he never forgot his mother, my grandma, and allowed me to spent vacations on the reserve with her. That's how I learned about my history. My belief in past lives, however, is from my mom. I've found my own truth taking parts from from both my bloodlines."

"It's a nice picture." Scully offered.

Nodding, Carina Eagletail kept on studying Scully. "It is. I know Mr. Mulder is the one wanting to be brought back to a past life, but it's not what the spirits want, they want Ms. Scully to go back. You already made the contact. You had a dream yesterday, meaning you've already been back to your past life together. The answers are linked to you and not Mr. Mulder."

Bewildered, Scully looked from Mulder to Carina Eagletail, this was unexpected and frightening and she wanted to decline. "Why me?"

With the same mild smile, Carina Eagletail watched her for a few seconds, "you prayed with the pipe. It was the last time you turned to the pipe, you've come to make peace with it again, today."

"I… I don't understand."

"You don't have to right now, but this session will give you and your partner answers about your connection and heal you regarding your faith. With time you'll make amends with your faith."

Suddenly, tears sprung into Scully's eyes, how could this woman know so much about her? Know about her dream and her break with the church.

"Scully, are you ok?" Mulder caught her fidgeting hand from her thigh and stilled it. Meeting his concerned eyes, she wondered if she was indeed okay, she wasn't supposed to be the main target here, Mulder was. Mulder was the believer.

"My dream, it was a past life?"

Again Carina Eagletail nodded. "Some people have the ability to see their past lives without help. You had that gift yesterday. Sometimes it only happens once, other times the ability stays with you for life. With you, I don't know. Are you ready?"

Taking a deep breath Scully made her decision, she was curious about her dream and what seemed to be a past life with Mulder, but she was also doubtful, was she being played or was there some truth in all this nonsense. Locking eyes with Mulder, she saw that he believed and was curious. Shaking her head slightly and raising her eyebrow, she smiled.

"As ready as I can be."

"Mr. Mulder, will you please give the couch to Ms. Scully so she can lie down. You're welcome to bring a chair over next to her and hold her hand."

Slowly, Carina Eagletail talked Scully into relaxing her body and guided her to her special safe place, an opening in a forest bathed in sunlight. It was the forest she had lived near when she was around five.

It was a warm fall day and Singing Bluebird was walking in the woods with a basket, she had left her sons with her mother, when she set out to pick berries. She needed the time away from the village and needed to be alone. It was difficult to be near Running Wild every day without any contact between them, but she wouldn't miss being here for the world, somehow she carved his nearness even though it was bittersweet. Her father had been wrong, she hadn't grown out of her love for Running Wild, it was now four years since he forced her to marry Walking Proud and nothing had changed. She still loved Running Wild.

Today would probably be the last day, she could wander this far alone before winter sat in. She would enjoy it. Accidentally, her feet carried her to the special spot where she became Running Wild's woman. Sitting down, she allowed herself to visit the past, something she rarely did. She jumped when a hand landed on her shoulder and someone kneeled beside her, it took all her willpower to open her eyes.

"Singing Bluebird, it's me, Running Wild. Don't be scared."

Relieved, she stared into his gentle eyes, they had change so much, once they had been full of laughter and joy, but now they were full of sorrow and regret. She guessed they reflected her own eyes.

"Running Wild?" She whispered, not sure if he was real or a product of her fantasy.

"Yes, it's me." Positioning in front of her, he took both her hands in his. "I've missed you Singing Bluebird and I haven't forgotten my promise."

Withdrawing her hands, she asked. "If you haven't, then why do you give Coyote so many children? How come you haven't come to me before?"

Reclaiming her hands, he answered in a regretful voice; "I believed your oldest brother, he filled my head with stories of your happiness with your husband and how much you loved him. I was weak and I sought relief for my pain in Coyote's body. But I saw how you kept coming back here and how you stayed for longer and longer periods of time, you can't be happy with your husband. Now you visit him rarely and he never comes here. I should have known better."

"You should've." She agreed. "But I wasn't better, I believed you had forgotten me and was happy with Coyote. We are a lovely couple."

"We are." He smiled back. "Do you still love me, Singing Bluebird?"

Leaning closer, she whispered softly into his ear, "I never stopped."

For the longest time they just stared at each other, drinking the other in. They didn't kiss there would be time for that later. Now, they just wanted to look, to see the love in the other eyes and reconnect.

But finally, she felt his lips against her lips again and finally she felt whole again, when she became one with her lover. Their lovemaking was still rushed and coloured with the fear of being discovered, but now it was also coloured with a maturity and strength in their feelings for each other that hadn't been there four years ago.

Much later when the air started to cool of, Running Wild looked at Singing Bluebird. "Your sons, are the mine?"

"How did you know? She asked back. Pleased, that he had figured it out on his own.

"They have features from me and you but none from Walking Proud, it wasn't hard to see when I started to look at them without hate. I'm proud and would be even prouder to call them my sons."

"I wish you could."

From then on they met secretly four times a week and Coyote never became pregnant again. They made peace with the fact that they could never truly be together before Singing Bluebird's father passed away, he would never allow it, and Proud Walking didn't mind being married to the daughter of a respected elderly. But it was a hard life, always hiding and pretending, and never being able to tell her sons, who their real father was.

They day came where Singing Bluebird was free to live her own life but again fate had a bittersweet twist, on the very same day her father died, Running Wild died as well. Both men died in the same hunt party, one as a hunter and one as a holy person blessing the hunt. Singing Bluebird was now thirty and realised her chance of truly happiness in this life was over, but she had her sons to live for and for that she felt blessed.

The last picture Scully saw, before she was called back to her safe place was Singing Bluebird as an old woman, her hair salt and pepper and her face full of wrinkles, holding a divided pipe in her hands. Slowly, Singing Bluebird connected the stamp to the pipe head while praying.

Bit by bit, Scully opened her eyes, confused, she blinked several times before the room came into focus the movie played in her head during the session had been so believable and felt so true. Her mind had fooled her into believing she was there, into believing she was a native woman living hundreds of years ago.

But she must have fallen asleep; it was the only explanation, and remembering her last try with regression therapy, she was amazed of her ability to fall asleep. She must be more exhausted than she thought. Her mind refused to accept what her heart believed so easily, that she had lived a past live with Mulder, a life where they was forced to be apart.

Feeling a small squeeze of her hand, her eyes travelled to her hand and up the hand that was linked to hers and further up the arm and up to the face.

"Hey." Mulders smiled at her.

"Hey yourself." Unsatisfied with her position, Scully tried to get up, a struggle not easy to overcome; her muscles were uncooperative and weak.

"Relax for a while Ms. Scully, it's okay to let your guards down for a moment. You went deep that's why you're so tired right now. You will be on your feet soon."

Lifting her eyebrows, Scully snorted, "right."

"Ms. Scully, I've taped the session for you to take with you home. Do you have any questions?"

"No. No, not really."

The mild smile tugged at Carina Eagletail's lips, while she watched Scully. "Still proud. Well, then I will explain the last part of your past life. I'm sure you both understood the bond you shared in that life. But neither of you know the Native traditions, the pipe is central in our lives, it's sacred. You connected the two parts of the pipe; it means that when the two of you meet as opposite sexes in a life and dare trust your abilities to spend a life together, as committed love partners, you'll break the spell that has kept you apart for so long. It will be hard and some will do their best to keep you apart and many rules must be bended for you to be together. But if you endure and stay true you'll success. A marriage to the pipe is powerful, some day you'll understand."

Accepting the tape, Scully sat up and straightened her clothes, it was spooky how well the woman read them.

"By the way stop being foolish, you are more than friends! Life gets to much easier when we admit our feelings. You've come full circle to remember and outlive what you promised each other so long ago."

Back in the car, they shared a long look, "more than friends, just what we agreed on yesterday. Amazing huh, Scully?"

Licking her lip, Scully opened her eyes widely. "Yeah, pretty amazing, Mulder."

"We must be soul mates, Scully, you're a believer. Uh, exciting!"

"I must say, it's weird, Mulder. I don't know what to believe. But in your past life experiences we were always friends how can that be? You ditched me along the way?"

Biting his lower lip in fake shock, Mulder pretended to think for a while. "Of course not, Scully. Maybe we chose to meet as the same sexes in our recent past lives to avoid the pain of being separated again. Nobody separates friends like they separate lovers, maybe we were protecting ourselves. I think that's the reason, it makes sense. And we did make the commitment wrong, saying we would always want to be together."

"But why come together as lovers in this life, Mulder. We're not afraid of being hurt now?"

"Sure we are, but maybe we've faith that we'll make it this time. Now we've the strength to endure like Eagletail said. It sure hasn't been easy so far and we break a lot of rules, don't we?"

"We are just bending the rules, Mulder. Breaking the rules would get us fired but bending the rules works just fine." She couldn't come up with a better explanation and wasn't sure it mattered, perhaps it was all about faith and taking chances. She was taking a big chance with Mulder.

Hey - Mitauye Oyas`en

The End


End file.
